Category: <span>Anxiety</span>

brentwood counseling associates blog

Getting Out of the Story in Your Head

We all have a story in our heads. It’s the narrative we tell ourselves about who we are, what we’re capable of, and how we fit into the world. It’s the lens through which we view our experiences and interpret the world. While our story can be a source of strength and motivation, it can also hold us back and keep us stuck in limiting beliefs and negative thought patterns. So, how do we get out of the story in our heads? Here are some tips:

Recognize Your Story

The first step to getting out of the story in your head is to recognize it. Pay attention to the thoughts and beliefs that arise when facing a challenge or a difficult situation. What story are you telling yourself about the problem? Are you seeing it through a lens of fear, self-doubt, or negativity? By becoming aware of your story, you can challenge it and see it for what it is – a narrative you’ve constructed based on your past experiences, beliefs, and perceptions.

Does it help?

Once you recognize your story, you can explore how helpful it is. Rather than challenging whether or not your story is true, ask yourself, “Does it move me toward who I want to be?” “Is it improving my relationships?” “Is it improving my satisfaction with life?” Alternatively, “Is it bogging me down in negativity?” “Is it damaging my relationships?” “Is it making me less productive?” When we get fully enmeshed in our inner narrative, it can begin to look like it is the Truth, limiting our ability to engage our world effectively.

Focus on the Present Moment

Part of the way that we are limited by our negative stories is that they keep us stuck in the past or worrying about the future. If you observe your story and determine it is not helping you, you can refocus on what is right in front of you. By focusing on the present moment, we can let go of our story and experience life as it is without the filter of our narrative. Practice mindfulness or meditation to help you stay present and let go of distracting thoughts.

Take Action

Once we are refocused on the present moment, it is time to take action. Instead of getting caught up in your thoughts and beliefs, focus on what you can do right now to move forward. Take small steps towards your goals, even if they feel uncomfortable or scary. By taking action, you can break free from the limitations of your story and create a new narrative based on your experiences and achievements.

Practice Self-Compassion

Often, our story limits us through self-criticism and judgment. We may compare ourselves to others, feel inadequate, or focus on our flaws and mistakes. Practicing self-compassion allows us to see ourselves in a more positive and accepting light. Treat yourself with kindness, understanding, and forgiveness, and focus on your strengths and accomplishments instead of your shortcomings.

Connect with Others

Sometimes, we need to get out of our heads and connect with others to break free from our story. You can engage with friends, family, or a therapist for support and perspective. Share your struggles and concerns with others, and listen to their stories. By connecting with others, we can gain a broader perspective on our experiences and find inspiration and encouragement to move forward.

Getting out of the story in your head is a process of awareness, questioning, and action. By recognizing and questioning the helpfulness of our story, staying present, taking action, practicing self-compassion, and connecting with others, we can break free from limiting beliefs and negative thought patterns and create a new narrative based on our experiences and strengths. This is often hard and takes time and effort, but the rewards of letting go of our story and living in the present moment can be life-changing. So, step outside your story today and see what new possibilities arise.

If you would like help in this process, please reach out to us at 615-377-1153, and we can get you connected with one of our excellent therapists, who are trained to guide you as you get out of your head and re-engage your life.

Resources:

The Happiness Trap website (https://thehappinesstrap.com/) is an excellent resource for learning about the process of getting out of your head. They have everything from free resources to a full, 8-week program guiding you through it.

(NOTE: Brentwood Counseling Associates has no connection with The Happiness Trap and receives no compensation for recommending it)

What are the signs your child may need counseling?

Addressing your own anxiety as parent is the first step to helping your child with theirs.

Following the recent school shooting tragedy at Covenant School many parents are wondering, “How is my child handling this, what do I need to say to them to ease their mind?” Well, step one is to evaluate your own anxiety on the topic. It’s very valid as a parent to be quite anxious about how to protect you and your family given recent events.
Before we address some warning signs to look for in our children that may indicate a need for additional support first let’s focus on you.

Be mindful of the amount of news you are consuming.

While it’s important to stay informed we have to be mindful when too much, is just too much. I know firsthand we have all been very shocked and as a result curious about the shooting. This has led to a lot of reading updates and watching video footage. It can be helpful to ask ourselves how we are feeling after we finish reading or doom scrolling. If the answer is anxious then it likely that we need to take a step away.

Do something that is pleasant and a typical part of your routine.

When things feel really chaotic in the world falling back into routine can really help ease some of our anxiety. Decide if you need to decompress by yourself or with your family. It’s ok to need time for yourself. Taking care of ourselves allows us to be a calm safe space for our children which they desperately need right now. Take a walk, take a shower or bath, watch your favorite show, anything that allows our brain to have a break from the intensity of recent events. If we aren’t able to snag a few minutes for ourselves also remember co-regulation is an option. Take family walk, make dinner together, play a family game. These are helpful ways to decompress as a family.

Reach out for your own support.

Maybe this looks like talking to your partner, calling a close friend or maybe even scheduling a session with a therapist. Make sure you have a space to process as well. Feeling as though we have a handle on our own feelings makes us better equipped to support our children if they need help. Many counseling practices in the area are offering free or reduced rate sessions for anyone in the community that may be affected by the shooting and need additional support.

If it feels foreign to put your own mental health first remember this. Our children pick up on our anxiety, even if they are young they can sense it. We just want to be mindful that we are being their calm safe place, not unintentionally adding more anxiety. We are human and not going to be able to do this perfectly but taking care of yourself is worth it and will positively benefit your child.

Now let’s switch our focus to our children.

Warning signs of distress to look for in our children following the recent school shooting:

  • Asking a lot of questions about the shooting.
  • Changes in behavior (sleep and appetite increases or decreases).
  • Difficulty falling or staying asleep or having bad dreams.
  • Increased crying or irritability.
  • Not getting schoolwork done or falling behind.
  • Withdrawing, declining social events that they usually would want to attend.
  • Having new headaches or stomach aches
  • Recurrent thoughts or images of shooting or other scenarios in which they may feel unsafe.
  • Avoidance of sounds, people, places, or other things remind them of the violence

It’s hard to know if a conversation with your child could reconcile some of these signs of distress but it’s a place to start. There are a lot of articles circulating addressing how to talk to your children about events of mass violence. We are always happy to share these specific resources if needed. If problems still persist our child therapists are happy to also offer a parent consult to assess if your child requires additional professional support.

Please reference our website or give us a call for more information.

brentwoodcounseling.com.

P: 615- 377- 1153

Mindfulness for People Who Don’t Want to Meditate

Mindfulness is a great way to improve mental and emotional well-being, reduce stress and anxiety, and promote overall health. However, many people are put off by meditation, finding it challenging to sit still for long periods or quiet their minds. The good news is that mindfulness doesn’t have to involve meditation. Many ways to practice mindfulness don’t require sitting on a cushion for hours. Here are some ideas for practicing mindfulness for people who don’t want to meditate:

Practice Mindful Breathing

A straightforward way to practice mindfulness is through mindful breathing, which involves paying attention to your breath and focusing on the sensation of air moving in and out of your body. You can do this anywhere, anytime; it only takes a few minutes. Just take a few minutes, close your eyes if it helps, and feel the cycle of your breath as you breathe in and out. Not only does this ground you in the present moment, but it also connects you to what you feel in your body.

Mindful Eating

Mindful eating is just what it sounds like. Take your time when you eat, savor each bite, and notice the food’s taste, texture, and smell. Pause between bites and take a few deep breaths. Try to eat without distractions, such as TV or your phone, and focus on the experience of the meal.

Mindful Listening

We often listen to others without really hearing them, as our minds are busy with our thoughts and distractions. Mindful listening involves giving full attention to the person speaking without interrupting or judging. Focus on the person’s words, tone, and body language, and try letting go of distractions or judgments.

Mindful Appreciation

Practicing gratitude and appreciation can help us to cultivate a positive mindset and improve our well-being. Even a few minutes each day spent reflecting on what you’re grateful for, whether it’s something small, such as a cup of coffee, or something significant, such as your health or relationships, can have a considerable impact. Keep a small notepad beside your bed and write down a few things you are grateful for each evening.

Mindful Movement

Mindful movement can involve any form of physical activity, such as yoga, tai chi, stretching, or simply walking. The key is to pay attention to your body’s sensations and move with intention and awareness. Focus on the sensations of the movement, the shifting of your balance, and the connection with the ground. Let yourself be fully present with your actions.

Mindful Reminders

Finally, a personal favorite of mine is simple timed mindfulness. In this practice, you set a recurring alarm to go off every half-hour or hour. When it does, you focus entirely for two to five minutes on whatever you are doing at the moment. This approach doesn’t require you to set aside any time or even stop what you are doing; you just entirely do what you are doing. When brushing your teeth, pay attention to the toothpaste’s taste and the bristles’ feel. If you are working on a report, allow yourself to fully attend to the report rather than running through your task list in your head. If you are with your family, focus entirely on engaging with them. Again, the what doesn’t matter, just do it fully. 

The benefits of mindfulness come from being completely present in where you are, who you are with, and what you are doing. Getting caught up in thoughts of the past or future leaves us trying to manage things we cannot influence. By engaging in mindfulness, we engage with those things we can do something about. Further, we are more engaged in the things that matter to us. Try on some of these methods for improving your present-moment mindfulness. Jot down the experiences you have. Reflect on the impact it has on your day. 

If you want to dig into any of these concepts more thoroughly, contact our practice at 615-377-1153. Our office manager, Jane Jenkins, will be happy to help you connect to one of our excellent therapists.

A woman standing on a dock overlooking a lake on a sunny winter day.

Maximizing Wellbeing During the 2020 Holiday Season

You might be wondering if that’s even possible. 2020 has been a challenge, to say the least. There’s no doubt that it’s left a lot of us feeling increased loneliness, isolation, worry, boredom, and frustration. Nothing about this year has felt normal, and most of us have had to make at least some adjustments.

Fortunately, it’s gone relatively well for some. But others have seen their mental health decline due to the lack of social support, fears about health and financial security, and the prolonged loss of our old way of life. And for those who’ve lost loved ones or jobs due to the pandemic, or have worked the front lines non-stop, things might be feeling particularly hopeless. Anxiety and depression are on the uptick, both for those who’ve wrestled with them previously, and for those who never have.

Under normal circumstances, the holidays can serve as a buffer against emotional struggles, offering folks the chance to spend meaningful time with family and friends and renew their hope and optimism for better things to come in the new year. But this time of the year can also be challenging for those who don’t experience joy during this season. For people who’ve suffered a significant loss, for example, or who are grappling with ongoing illness, addiction, or strained family relationships, the holidays only serve as a reminder of the things they don’t have.

Whatever the holidays mean for you under normal circumstances, you’ll likely have to adjust to a different – 2020 – version of them. If the year has already left you feeling stressed, you might be wondering how you’ll get through this season with your wellbeing intact. Here are a few ideas.

Connect with Yourself

When was the last time you checked in with yourself about how you’re doing? We’ve all been burdened with a keen awareness that things aren’t right this year, and the holidays will probably only serve to reinforce that. But how often do you examine and identify exactly what you’re feeling, and more importantly, allow yourself to express it? This kind of emotional catharsis is key to good mental health because it keeps things from building up and boiling over, or showing up in the form of depression or anxiety. It can also prevent unhealthy coping mechanisms such as addiction, which often arise through efforts to numb difficult feelings.

You might choose to deeply connect with your feelings on your own by journaling, or with a trusted friend or family member or a helping professional. Or you might find that you resonate more with an artistic form of emotional expression such as painting, singing, or dancing. However it is that you get in touch with your feelings and move them outside of yourself, try to prioritize doing it. And remember to take good care of yourself afterward. Emotional work is hard work, and you deserve to reward yourself. So make a plan to do something rejuvenating as a follow-up. This will replenish your emotional reserve, and make you more likely to engage in such emotional catharsis again.

It’s important to note that if connecting deeply with your emotions leaves you feeling in immediate crisis, please call the Tennessee Statewide Mental Health Crisis Line at 855-CRISIS-1 (855-274-7471).

Connect with Others

During this time of suggested isolation, it’s more important than ever to prioritize quality connection with others. You might not be able to physically be with family and friends this holiday season, so you’ll need to be extra intentional about making your virtual interactions meaningful. Whereas moments together in “normal” years might have been filled with small talk and shared activities where you’re not really connecting very deeply, consider packing your shorter interactions with more meaningful communication. A stronger emotional closeness such as this could go a long way in making the physical distance more tolerable.

For example, you might ask those you care about to share with you what they’ve truly been through this year; find out about their struggles and where they’ve found unexpected joy. Ask them if they consider this year to be the hardest one they’ve lived through, or if some other circumstance in their past was more challenging. Share with each other your coping mechanisms and explore what you wish you were doing a better job with.

Or tell someone who’s really important to you what you’re grateful for in your relationship with them. You might not often do this, but it can give definition to the more ambiguous good feelings you get when you’re with them. It will give them some insight into the special qualities they bring to the relationship, and help you understand the things you find essential in one. You’ll both likely learn a lot about yourselves and about your relationship, too.

With older relatives, consider finding out more about their childhood or what their lives were like when they’re the same age you are now. Or ask what their younger hopes and dreams were, or how they ended up following a particular career path or hobby. Find out if there’s anything they wish they’d known at your age or done differently. In learning so much about someone else, you might be surprised to find that you also learn something about yourself.

Cut Yourself Some Slack

Since there’s not been much normalcy this year, why expect the usual things of yourself? Especially during the holidays, it’s easy for our self-expectations to become perfectionistic in nature. Instead, strive toward making them as realistic as possible. And given that it is 2020, after all, perhaps even expect quite a bit of deviation from the norm. If old holiday traditions are scrapped, try to consider this year as an opportunity to develop new ones – and look forward to future years when you can reflect on this one and be grateful that you made it through.

Practice gratitude around the things you’re thankful are still a part of your life. Remember that this season of our lives is temporary. It’s easier to maintain flexibility when we have faith that at some point, things will return to normal. And break your forward-thinking into manageable chunks – get through one afternoon or day at a time instead of thinking in terms of weeks or months. You’ll feel much more accomplishment and much less overwhelmed.

And if you’re grieving a significant loss this season, allow yourself to feel the sadness around it. Remember to engage in plenty of replenishing self-care, and give yourself permission to do this holiday season differently than usual. Remain flexible, doing only the holiday activities you have the energy and emotional reserve for – not necessarily all the ones you’ve done in the past. And consider honoring the loss as part of your holiday tradition this year. Acknowledging it, as painful as it might feel in the moment, can be a significant part of your grieving process.

If you’ve tried everything you can think of and you’re still feeling burdened with the weight of 2020 this holiday season, don’t hesitate to reach out to someone in the helping profession. Our therapists at Brentwood Counseling Associates are currently offering both in-person and virtual counseling sessions to support you during this time. Sometimes it’s just too hard to do it all on your own, and that’s where we come in. So please reach out and let us know how we can help.

mental health and covid-19

Mental Health and COVID-19: What’s Normal in the New Normal?

The new normal. Mental health and COVID-19. If you’re wondering how to optimize wellness during the current pandemic, you’re not alone. Over the past few weeks, many of us have shifted to working, learning, grocery shopping, exercising, and hair cutting from home. Instead of spending time in person with friends, family, and co-workers, we talk at our phone and computer screens to stay in touch. The days blend into each other now that we have no places to go or people to see, and we do our best to put some sort of structure to them. And in the time of COVID-19, we consider ourselves lucky if those are our biggest concerns. Some have experienced much more devastating changes due to the loss of jobs, health, and even life. They’ve lost everything, and fear for how much worse it will get before it gets better. This would have all seemed unbelievable just a couple of months ago, and yet, it’s where we find ourselves.

It’s safe to say that the COVID-19 pandemic has changed things for all of us, whether it’s simply the loss of our old way of life, or a much more tragic one. And during these times, it can be helpful to understand what we’re going through in the context of grief. When we think of loss in the traditional sense, we think of the death of a loved one or the end of a significant relationship. But our feelings and reactions to this pandemic are much like what we go through when we grieve. We’re grieving the loss of the way things used to be. And just as some people have a harder time working through the grief process, some folks are finding it harder to adapt to the loss of our old way of life. In this article, we’ll explore some of the normal, common reactions to our new reality, and identify some red flags to watch out for. We’ll also offer a few suggestions about how to grieve the loss of the old normal, and shift into the new one, in a healthy way.

Mental Health and COVID-19

Denial, Shock, and Disbelief

Much like a sudden and unexpected death, the drastic changes we had to make during the month of March seemed to happen overnight. We were caught off guard, and a sense of shock and disbelief set in. We were hopeful that schools and sporting events might start back up at best, in a couple of weeks, and at worst, maybe a month. In those first few days, we just couldn’t fathom that we might be in this for the long haul. The idea that this virus would be so contagious that we’d all need to wall ourselves off from the rest of society seemed like something from a blockbuster science fiction film, not from 21st-century America.

But it wasn’t unlike the denial phase of grief, when we find it hard to believe that a loss is real. Imagine the person, for example, who, soon after a breakup, holds out hope for a reconciliation. When a new way of being is too painful for us to bear, it takes some time to absorb the reality of it. And this denial phase of grief seems to have happened to a lot of us during those early days of quarantine.

But denying that things are different keeps us from doing the things we need to do to stay healthy – in the age of COVID-19, physical distancing, or washing your hands, for example. It can also delay our transition to a new normal, and keep us in a holding pattern of sorts that prevents us from developing new routines. Part of good mental health is having the flexibility to create new versions of our old routines when we’re forced to change our daily lives. For example, just because you can’t go to the gym for six weeks doesn’t mean you have to be a couch potato the whole time. Your new exercise routine might not look much like your old one, but the ability to find ways to approximate it is vital to transitioning into your new normal. Taking a flexible approach when shifting each part of your daily routine is one way to make the overall change seem less overwhelming.

Getting Stuck

As we made the initial adjustment to our new routines, many of us found the extra time relaxing. No more drive time meant we could stay in bed a little longer and skip ironing our pants. Some of us even scrapped the professional look altogether and went straight to sweatpants and ball caps – relaxation at its finest! Hours upon hours at home also lends itself to binge watching TV shows or movies, often snacking while doing so. Downtime is a critical piece of optimal mental health, and many of us weren’t getting enough of it until now. There’s something to be said for our newfound comfort with presenting our “real” selves to the world – long, graying, messy hair, and all. Letting go of our old pretenses around image is a sign of vulnerability, which allows us to connect more deeply with others. Because we’re getting a glimpse into the real world of our colleagues, friends, and family members, we may end up feeling closer to them, because we can see that they’re much like us.

But what happens when the media binges go on so long that we miss sleep or meals, or fall down on the job? Or when one day blends into another so much so that we lose track of hygiene and stop showering or brushing our teeth? These patterns are easy to slip into, and are very common during the grief process. When we’ve lost a critical part of our old way of life, it’s not unusual to get stuck “waiting” for things to return to normal. But putting everything on hold is a signal that adaptation to the new normal isn’t going so well.

Having balance and structure to the seemingly endless days is crucial to maintaining good mental health during these times. You don’t have to create a down-to-the-minute schedule and stick to it; remember that the point is to be flexible during this time. But having some general expectations for each day isn’t a bad thing. It may be helpful to think about this, for example, in terms of physical health, work, and relaxation. A goal might be to aspire to include some work, some rest/relaxation, some movement, and adequate sleep and nutrition. This is just a starting place, though. Think about what’s important to you (spirituality is one example that comes to mind), and consider how that might fit into your daily plan around balance.

Going into Overdrive

What about when your problem is not doing too little, but doing too much? With calendars cleared of extracurricular and social activities, hours are suddenly opened up to devote to those long-delayed household projects. Backs of cabinets and closets have been cleaned out. Lawns are immediately immaculate. And pantries and desk drawers have been organized. Many of us have even taken up new hobbies or returned to old ones. It’s felt good that we’ve been able to make the most of these strange, scary new times by being productive. And there’s nothing wrong with that. But for some, along with all this new productivity came the expectation that they should be doing something fruitful with the extra time, all the time.

It’s not uncommon for people who are grieving to go to such an extreme after experiencing a significant loss. We see a lot of folks who throw themselves into work as a way to cope during the grief process. Staying busy is a way to distract ourselves from painful feelings about the loss. It’s also a way to feel like we’re taking back some control over our lives when it seems like everything has spun out of control. But that busy-ness itself can also spiral out of control, to the point that our mental health suffers. We can start using activities to push down our true feelings of sadness about the loss. Or we can start basing our self-worth on our productivity, feeling guilt and shame when we’re not getting enough done.

It’s important during these times to examine our motives for checking off to-do list after to-do list, and to check in on what emotions we might be using those activities to avoid. Such check-ins with ourselves and others about how we’re really doing with all these changes are vital to maintaining good mental health in this new normal. Don’t be afraid to identify and express whatever you’re feeling, whether on your own through journaling, for example, or with another person. If there’s not anyone in your life with whom you would feel comfortable doing this, please consider reaching out to a trusted professional. From counselors to clergy members, there are people ready to help.

Other Suggestions for Finding a Healthier New Normal

In addition to the suggestions given already, consider limiting time spent reading about the pandemic. It’s good to have information and be up-to-date on the latest recommendations. But given the tragic nature of much of the news these days, information overload can leave you feeling helpless, hopeless, and scared.

Not only can placing parameters on the time you spend consuming COVID-19 information help, but so can giving back. It can easily feel like our sense of control has been robbed from us these days. But helping others, and feeling like you’re really making a difference, can bring it back. Making masks, taking part in a quarantine birthday parade, joining in on a big round of applause for our health care providers, and donating money or food to a food bank are just some examples of ways people have been volunteering their time or resources.

And if you already struggle with stress management or mental health concerns such as depression, anxiety, or addiction, or if you’re going through an additional loss during this time, you’ll need to take extra good care of yourself right now. If you need help finding someone to talk to, please don’t hesitate to contact us at Brentwood Counseling Associates. We’d be happy to help you determine who’d be a good fit for your needs and situation. Whether it’s someone in our practice or somewhere else, we just want to be sure you’re getting the support you need during this time.

gift giving stress

Gift Giving: Beat the Stress and Maintain the Joy of the Season

Stressed to find the best gift during the Christmas season?

Christmas is a holiday of joy and cheer. Many of us use it as an opportunity to express how much we care for their family and friends through warm wishes, gatherings, and gift giving.

The holiday season is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year, but it can easily go from Christmas cheer to Holiday stress. Finding the perfect gifts, attending all of the festive activities, and trying to fit it all in our holiday budget can take a toll.

So how do we prevent our joyous giving from turning into overspending pressures and longing for the season to be behind us?

Why do we enjoy giving?

Let’s look into the psychology behind the pressures to give and why we are so compelled year after year to immerse ourselves into finding the perfect gift, even if it brings on unwanted stress.

According to research we give for many reasons. We give to show gratitude, empathy, and love. We also give to increase relationship connections and because it makes us feel good.

Dave Ramsey says that the act of giving causes our brain to release ‘feel good hormones’. He mentions the phenomenon of the ‘giver’s glow’ which is that feeling of joy we get from showing generosity toward other people. Generosity comes with so many advantages; not only to those on the receiving end, but to those doing the giving too. Generosity has also been shown to reduce stress and help counteract depressive symptoms, says Ramsey.

There is a great sense of satisfaction when seeing the expression on the face of someone you’ve given a gift to. Its a way to express feelings when you can’t find the words. Giving is a way to say, “I’m thinking of you and you matter to me.”

When gift giving gets stressful

Even though giving makes us feel good, there’s definitely a tipping point. What happens when we start to lose the joy in giving and it becomes a stressor?

Gift-giving can be a mood booster and create balance. However, it can get stressful when you’re struggling to find the perfect gift for friends and family. It’s difficult when trying to find a gift that’s an affordable, thoughtful gift and within our holiday budget. I think the pressure is also surrounding the fact that we recognize gifts are symbolic, so we tend to obsess over the meaning we are trying to convey.

How to maintain the joy and pleasure in gift giving

Here are some helpful tips to remain mindful of what’s important about gifting and how to maintain joy this Christmas season.

Keep it simple

Not all gifts have to have a huge monetary value. If you enjoy spending extra on someone, go for it. Although, before you make a large purchase ask yourself, “Am I buying this because it’s more expensive or because I feel it’s what they would truly prefer?” The most meaningful gifts are sometimes homemade. In a society obsessed with commercialism, it can be refreshing to offer something more personal. Some example may be handmade cards, homemade essential oils, fresh baked goods, or wooden toys. If DIY-ing isn’t your thing, you can always gift your time such as a car wash or free babysitting.

Create some giving boundaries

For many of us, this is the season to splurge and indulge. However, it can be helpful to create some boundaries as it relates to giving to maintain our sanity and our bank accounts. So, be realistic but stick to your holiday budget as much as possible. Things like setting a budget for individual gifts and tracking your spending can be helpful.

Practice gratitude

Gift giving is not the only way we can show appreciation to others during the holiday season. Write a gratitude letter. This letter can be written to a significant person who made a positive difference in your life. This can have the same effect as a holiday gift letting them know “I am thinking of you and you matter.” Describe in specific terms what the person did and why you’re grateful.

Remember what’s important

According to an article by The Society of Happy People, when people are asked what makes them happiest about the holidays, most said connection with family and friends. So, let yourself off the hook a little bit. If you are able to spend some quality time with your loved ones, know that your presence is just as valuable as a gift.

We gain happiness around the holidays from spending time with loved ones by giving gifts, sharing meals and attending holiday festivities. It helps to remember that the holiday season is about being with the people we care about, not about giving gifts, unless giving gifts is what makes us happy.

Explore ways to turn teen anxiety into resilience at Brentwood Counseling Associates.

Teen Anxiety: Why It Can Be Necessary and What Can Be Gained

Every living creature experiences anxiety. Anxiety is necessary for survival and adaptation. Normal teen anxiety is common, and generally short-lived. In today’s fast paced world, however, we live in a culture that suggests any anxiety is bad and a person who struggles with it, including adolescents, is weak or faulty. Society is so eager to diagnose a person with an official disorder.

Teenagers have been taught the need to be perfect. They have received participation trophies for their whole lives. Social media is used as a tool to present an edited/photoshopped sense of perfection. Many students get to retake their test in school to increase their GPA. We have created people who have never experienced failure. When one has been protected and has never struggled to achieve, they are often unequipped to handle the smallest mistakes later in life. These first failures can be crippling and can lead to catastrophic feelings once the safety nest of parental protection is removed.

Yet there are many positives once you learn to embrace your anxiety or face your nervousness. Studies have shown how the power of facing adversity can create resiliency. Resiliency is the ability to overcome challenges of any kind. The mastery of resiliency takes time and training. It is especially important for teenagers to have safe places where they can experiment with failing and facing their fears/anxieties.

3 Proven Ways to Deal with Teen Anxiety

SHARE INTENTIONALLY – Create a space for teenagers to share both successes and failures as well as opportunities to see others (more importantly adults) talk about their ups and downs. This expands a teen’s view of normal anxiety and overcoming failure, and can take place at the dinner table, a small group setting, or during prayer time.

HIGHLIGHT STRENGTHS – Find ways to highlight a teenager’s gifts. Too often, teenagers can overly magnify their smallest perceived flaws. Highlighting strengths over weaknesses, teens learn how to overcome anxiety and stress brought on by a hyper focus on the negative. We all have many different talents that are unique to each of us. Helping a teenager name their gift(s) allows them to see more than the negatives. The second part of this step is to brainstorm with them ways for the teenager to use these gifts in their everyday lives. Be specific. Challenge them to find ways to engage with their gifts daily and celebrate them when they do use them, even if it does not work out as planned.

NORMALIZE & FOSTER MENTAL TOUGHNESS – Remind teenagers that it is okay to have bad days and being mental strong is not about having it together all the time. Help them see past our society’s unhealthy need for perfection to learn that anxiety can be seen as an opportunity to grow rather than a threat or personal flaw. Mental toughness and resiliency are strengthened by learning to embrace anxiety/uncomfortableness and take action anyway. The more often a person steps into their challenges, the stronger and more confident they can become.

Ready to schedule an appointment? Contact Brentwood Counseling Associates and connect with one of our experienced therapists.

holiday anxiety counseling brentwood tn

Holiday Anxiety

They’re baaaaaack! It’s hard to ignore the holidays when we’re constantly reminded of them by the music, ads, and store displays all around us. But this season of gratitude, togetherness, and joy can also be a hectic and stressful one. For some, that stress is felt as an increase in anxiety, ranging from stress headaches or muscle tension to problems sleeping at night. Read on to learn more about what drives that holiday anxiety, and some tips for managing it.

Unrealistic Expectations

For some, it starts with the holiday cards. Family photos must be taken while the trees are still green and the sun hot enough to make you sweat in your holiday best. But that’s only the beginning. There’s the Thanksgiving meal to plan, the travel arrangements to be made, and the holiday decorating to do. And don’t forget all the holiday parties and those can’t-miss family entertainment options that only come along once a year! There’s an awful lot to pack in to these few weeks, and there’s a lot of pressure to pull it all off without a hitch. If you’re stressed out by the demands of creating the perfect holiday:

  • Make it YOUR holiday. Find out what’s most important to you and your family by talking about favorite holiday memories. This will reveal your “must-do’s,” and help you prioritize the most important things. Pour your heart into those few things instead of spreading yourself too thinly over many.
  • Be a critical consumer of social media and advertising. Remember that those scenes of holiday perfection aren’t so often found in real life. But if you still feel like your holiday doesn’t measure up, consider limiting time spent on social media, or taking a break from it altogether.
  • Practice gratitude. If you are on social media, you’ve probably noticed a recent trend in the month of November where folks share one thing each day that they’re thankful for. The candid nature of these posts is quite refreshing: one day the writer might be thankful for veterans who risked their lives for our country, and the next for dinner delivery kits that make life easier on busy weeknights. Such an everyday expression of gratitude, whether for things great or small, can ground us to what’s really important in life.
  • Give back. Never are volunteer opportunities more plentiful than during the holidays. Whether it’s sponsoring a less-fortunate family during the season, volunteering at a homeless shelter, or spending time talking with the elderly at an assisted living facility, seeing beyond our “first-world” holiday expectations can keep things in perspective.

Stressful Family Situations

“My family is not normal.” I’ve heard this from clients countless times over the years. And family relationships marked by a history of maltreatment or even outright abuse should never be considered normal. But many families simply have longstanding strain that, having gone unaddressed for so long, creates tension when everyone’s together. Throw the stress of the season into the mix, and you’ve got a recipe for one awkward, uncomfortable holiday. Consider these tips when you’re just about ready to walk out on your family celebration:

  • Have a game plan for awkward family discussions. Unfinished business between family members has a way of rearing its head when everyone’s together. Or someone might bring up a hot topic such as the recent election, or politics in general. Regardless, it’s worth giving some forethought to how and what you want to say should these delicate issues come up.
  • It’s also not a bad idea to plan a few escapes from too much family interaction. Locate a quiet place you can retreat when conversation goes south. Or plan an activity to do together instead of just sitting around the house talking. Unresolved family issues will still be there to work on after the holidays.

Household Guests & Changes to Routine

No, you’re not just old and set in your ways. We all benefit from structure, and the holidays are prime routine-disruptors, particularly if you’re hosting houseguests or are one yourself. Whether it’s college students returning home for an extended break or out-of-town guests just staying a couple of nights, most people bring their own preferences and routines right along with their luggage. To avoid extra stress from attempting to accommodate everybody’s needs:

  • Don’t be afraid to discuss some general house rules and expectations up front. College students, for example, frequently have later curfews than they did when they still lived at home. On the other hand, small children staying with you may need quiet for bedtime a lot earlier than you’re used to. Upon arrival, talk with your guests about their needs, as well as yours, to avoid after-the-fact misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
  • To maintain some sense of normalcy within your bustling holiday inn, pick one or two pieces of your daily routine that you’re not willing to part with. Maybe it’s your daily workout, meditation, or devotional. Or maybe it’s your bedtime. What do you do normally that grounds you, relaxes you, or rejuvenates you? The holidays are no reason to give those things up, and in fact, may actually call for a little more of them.

These are just a few ways you can reduce some of the inherent stress at this time of the year. But if you find that your anxiety seems to be out-of-proportion, or if it lasts beyond the holidays or interferes with your functioning at home or on the job, reach out to a trusted professional for more support. We at Brentwood Counseling Associates are ready to help.

Anxiety and Depression in Teens

Anxiety and Depression in Teens and Young Adults: When is it Time to Talk to a Professional?

by Stephanie Insko

You may have heard about the alarming increase in anxiety and depression among college students. I have seen this concerning trend firsthand in the couple of decades since my first job in a university counseling center. Sure, I worked with a lot of students who were dealing with depression and anxiety back then. But the majority of the students seeking counseling were simply struggling to adjust to the newfound responsibilities, decisions, and relationship dynamics that came with college life. In other words, they were in the thick of the learning curve of becoming adults.

The challenges of adjusting to adulthood have not gone away in those nearly 20 years. But they are inherently more difficult for the average young person to navigate while also struggling with untreated anxiety and depression. Therefore, it’s more crucial than ever that young folks address any mental health concerns before they’re on their own, trying to perform in college or on the job. But how do you know when it’s time to seek the help of a mental health professional?

Clinical anxiety and depression can sneak up on us, and may go unnoticed until functioning is affected. In teens and young adults, this often shows up as a decline in school or work performance. There might be a lack of interest or motivation to improve, and problems concentrating might make it nearly impossible to do so. Social functioning might change, too, with increased isolation from friends. A loss of interest in previously-loved activities is another warning sign. Other signals that this is more than a “rough patch” include changes in appetite, sleep, and overall energy levels.

If you’ve noticed any of these signs, it might be time to consult a therapist. Anxiety and depression in teens are manageable concerns, and therapy is a collaborative effort to develop a plan to do so. Maybe you’re a parent noticing some signs that worry you as you send your child off to college. Or maybe you’re a young adult struggling to balance depression or anxiety with the demands of school or a job. Whatever the age or stage, a good relationship with a therapist can help you figure out how to manage it all.

brentwood counseling associates blog

Getting Out of the Story in Your Head

We all have a story in our heads. It’s the narrative we tell ourselves about who we are, what we’re capable of, …

What are the signs your child may need counseling?

Addressing your own anxiety as parent is the first step to helping your child with theirs.

Following the recent school shooting tragedy at Covenant School many parents are wondering, “How is my child handling this, …

Mindfulness for People Who Don’t Want to Meditate

Mindfulness is a great way to improve mental and emotional well-being, reduce stress and anxiety, and promote overall health. …