Category: <span>Anger Management</span>

brentwood counseling associates blog

Getting Out of the Story in Your Head

We all have a story in our heads. It’s the narrative we tell ourselves about who we are, what we’re capable of, and how we fit into the world. It’s the lens through which we view our experiences and interpret the world. While our story can be a source of strength and motivation, it can also hold us back and keep us stuck in limiting beliefs and negative thought patterns. So, how do we get out of the story in our heads? Here are some tips:

Recognize Your Story

The first step to getting out of the story in your head is to recognize it. Pay attention to the thoughts and beliefs that arise when facing a challenge or a difficult situation. What story are you telling yourself about the problem? Are you seeing it through a lens of fear, self-doubt, or negativity? By becoming aware of your story, you can challenge it and see it for what it is – a narrative you’ve constructed based on your past experiences, beliefs, and perceptions.

Does it help?

Once you recognize your story, you can explore how helpful it is. Rather than challenging whether or not your story is true, ask yourself, “Does it move me toward who I want to be?” “Is it improving my relationships?” “Is it improving my satisfaction with life?” Alternatively, “Is it bogging me down in negativity?” “Is it damaging my relationships?” “Is it making me less productive?” When we get fully enmeshed in our inner narrative, it can begin to look like it is the Truth, limiting our ability to engage our world effectively.

Focus on the Present Moment

Part of the way that we are limited by our negative stories is that they keep us stuck in the past or worrying about the future. If you observe your story and determine it is not helping you, you can refocus on what is right in front of you. By focusing on the present moment, we can let go of our story and experience life as it is without the filter of our narrative. Practice mindfulness or meditation to help you stay present and let go of distracting thoughts.

Take Action

Once we are refocused on the present moment, it is time to take action. Instead of getting caught up in your thoughts and beliefs, focus on what you can do right now to move forward. Take small steps towards your goals, even if they feel uncomfortable or scary. By taking action, you can break free from the limitations of your story and create a new narrative based on your experiences and achievements.

Practice Self-Compassion

Often, our story limits us through self-criticism and judgment. We may compare ourselves to others, feel inadequate, or focus on our flaws and mistakes. Practicing self-compassion allows us to see ourselves in a more positive and accepting light. Treat yourself with kindness, understanding, and forgiveness, and focus on your strengths and accomplishments instead of your shortcomings.

Connect with Others

Sometimes, we need to get out of our heads and connect with others to break free from our story. You can engage with friends, family, or a therapist for support and perspective. Share your struggles and concerns with others, and listen to their stories. By connecting with others, we can gain a broader perspective on our experiences and find inspiration and encouragement to move forward.

Getting out of the story in your head is a process of awareness, questioning, and action. By recognizing and questioning the helpfulness of our story, staying present, taking action, practicing self-compassion, and connecting with others, we can break free from limiting beliefs and negative thought patterns and create a new narrative based on our experiences and strengths. This is often hard and takes time and effort, but the rewards of letting go of our story and living in the present moment can be life-changing. So, step outside your story today and see what new possibilities arise.

If you would like help in this process, please reach out to us at 615-377-1153, and we can get you connected with one of our excellent therapists, who are trained to guide you as you get out of your head and re-engage your life.

Resources:

The Happiness Trap website (https://thehappinesstrap.com/) is an excellent resource for learning about the process of getting out of your head. They have everything from free resources to a full, 8-week program guiding you through it.

(NOTE: Brentwood Counseling Associates has no connection with The Happiness Trap and receives no compensation for recommending it)

violence and human nature

Violence and Human Nature

by Rick Taran

The past years have seen increased incidences of violence in the schools, in public, and in the workplace. The aftermath is the same: shock, grief, looking for answers. In our search for answers, we tend to blame our pet peeves as the cause for senseless violence. Of course there is not just one cause, but rather a complex interaction between human nature and our environment.

There are three tendencies of human nature which are important pieces of the puzzle to explore. Knowing about them could possibly prevent further school, public, and workplace violence. These are the tendencies to alter our consciousness; seek intensity; and narrow our reality. These tendencies are natural to all people, yet when exaggerated in the context of addictions, poor judgment, alienation, illness, and denial, they can lead to violence.

Altering our Consciousness

The first of these tendencies, altering our consciousness, is seen in small children who love to spin around making themselves dizzy, or peek through their legs to look at the world upside down, or giggle or scream loudly for no reason adults can easily see. Adults also have a natural desire to alter their consciousness, as seen in altered states induced during some religious ceremonies, sporting events, overeating/vomiting, daydreaming, a bad temper, cutting, road rage, and sexual activity, to name a few.

Seeking Intensity

The second natural human tendency is to seek intensity. Examples of natural periods of low intensity include boredom, routine, deadened emotions, and depression. We will then create situations to lift us out of the low intensity state and into the realms of feeling “very alive.” It feels better to feel alive. Most addictions are exaggerated attempts to keep intensity going or to lift us out of boredom/routine/deadened emotions/depression. Intensity is built into news stories, video games, TV, advertising, political rhetoric, and movies as a way of engaging our interest (we are drawn toward intensity and drama)

Narrowing our Reality

The third natural human tendency is to narrow our reality. This relates to taking a small piece of our world and focusing on it to the exclusion of the bigger picture. We do this to gain a sense of control over our lives, since dealing with many of life’s issues all at once can seem overwhelming. The more a person feels disenfranchised, powerless or out of control, the more one tends to narrow one’s world. Some of the more problematic examples we frequently see are, being overly focused on violence, religion, sex, work, drugs, money, or relationships. This will eventually lead to an unrealistic view of oneself and the world, and intensify feelings of anger, frustration, fear, and alienation. Narrowing one’s reality to a small area of life is part of the addictive process and may be one of the purposes behind most addictions. Certainly, violence has an addictive quality.

On closer look, what seems like senseless violence eventually does make sense from the violent person’s perspective, as psychological autopsies have demonstrated. Most of us are not prone to violence because we learn to balance the natural tendencies to alter our consciousness, seek intensity, and narrow our reality. Some less intense imbalances, yet still self-destructive behavior, can be seen in sabotaging relationships, under-achievement, and poor health habits. Our goal should be to understand the need for, and the skills required for balance, so that we do not become destructive to ourselves or others. Internal balancing of our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors is a prerequisite for a healthy life.

My observation is that those who are violent in schools, in public, and in the workplace are significantly out of balance, but could possibly be identified in advance by applying the three human tendencies listed above. Perhaps the violent individuals get “high” over planning their and others’ destruction (altering their consciousness), felt very alive in carrying it out (intensity), and were removed from most thoughts/behaviors not related to their destructive plan for some time (narrowing reality).

By understanding what to look for, we may be able to prevent further acts of violence. It is important to stop blaming specific issues (usually our pet peeves) in society for a person’s violence, such as gun ownership, lack of religion in schools, Hollywood movies, or even poor role models. Human nature and the environment are constantly shaping each other over time, yet the outcome of that interaction is ultimately the individual’s responsibility.

brentwood counseling associates blog

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